Should she tell her fiancé that she lost her virginity or should she cancel the engagement?

Question: 137912

My friend was in love with a boy when she was thirteen years old, and he was ten years older than her. She used to do everything for him, to the extent that she forgot remembrance of Allah, despite the fact that she is from a religious family. He was everything to her, and she did not pray except to ask Allah that he marry her. She didn’t do anything unless it was for his sake; she even committed zina with him. But she was young and did not know what she was doing. She went to a female doctor she knows, who found that there was a small hole in her hymen. My friend began to feel remorse and to ask Allah for forgiveness and to pray, and that young man left her for another girl. After a while, after she reached university age, a pious young man proposed marriage to her, and he did not know what she had done. She went to another doctor who shocked her when she told her that it is essential to repair the hole in her hymen. After she agreed to accept his proposal, she does not know what she should do. Should she cancel her engagement to this fiancé whom she loves, or should she have the repair done, or what should she do? Please advise me, may Allah reward you

Answer

Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah and his family.

This calamity is not the first and it will not be the last. The strongest temptation is the temptation of men by women and of women by men.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

The mixing of one gender with the other is the cause of fitnah. When men mix with women, it is like mixing fire and wood. End quote.

Al-Istiqaamah, 1/361

This is the fire that was lit between them, then he left her after committing immoral actions with her, and went to someone else.

It is also something that happens repeatedly: he deceives her, then he commits immoral actions with her, then he leaves her and, for marriage and starting a family, he looks for a woman whom he can trust. But, unfortunately, no one learns this lesson and understands the true nature of the deceit until it is too late, or before regret sets in when regret is to no avail?

We ask Allah to accept her repentance and that of every sinner, and we pray that she will learn from this experience the hard and bitter lesson of how Allah wants guidance and righteousness for His slaves, whereas the Shaytaan and his cohorts want to misguide them and lead them astray.

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allaah wishes to make clear (what is lawful and what is unlawful) to you, and to show you the ways of those before you, and accept your repentance, and Allaah is All‑Knower, All‑Wise.

27. Allaah wishes to accept your repentance, but those who follow their lusts, wish that you (believers) should deviate tremendously away (from the Right Path).

28. Allaah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you; and man was created weak (cannot be patient to leave sexual intercourse with woman)”

[al-Nisa’ 4:26-28].

But what has happened has happened. Now the most important thing that your friend has to do is to repent, and the greatest right that she has over you is that you should help her to repent sincerely and to regret what has passed, and to understand the effects of the Shaytaan’s trick on her, in the hope that Allah will accept her repentance and conceal her with His beautiful concealment.

With regard to her engagement, she should go ahead with it, so long as she thinks that the young man is good and righteous. She should not repair the hymen that was broken because of this immoral action, because this is deceit and cheating; but at the same time she should not expose herself to scandal. Rather she should go ahead with that as Allah wills; perhaps Allah will conceal her.

If her husband does not find out about that after marriage and Allah conceals her, then she should continue as she is.

If he finds out that the hymen had been broken, she can hint that it was broken as a result of an accident or some such; hymens are often broken as a result of such things.

See also the answers to questions no. 844, 96214 and 70273.

If that is not possible, and the husband finds out that the hymen has been broken, he may annul the marriage, if he wants to, and take back what he had given her of the mahr and costs of the marriage.

Perhaps if she tells him about what happened, he will conceal her. But the annulment of her marriage, even after a short time, may be better and more concealing for her, because after that she will be a divorced woman and when she gets married again, it will on the basis that she was previously married.

And Allah is the source of strength and the Guide to the straight path.

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