What is the appropriate age to teach children sex education?

Firstly: 

It
is essential to know that children are a responsibility for parents, as it
says in the hadith that was narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar who said: I
heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say:

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The
ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd
of his household and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd
of her husband’s house and is responsible for her flock.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (853) and Muslim (1829) 

Part of that responsibility that the parents have towards their children is
protecting them from everything that may lead to corrupting them or have a
negative impact on their morals. 

Secondly: 

It
is well-known that teaching what is called sex education in the West has
become an obsession and madness, and it has become their main concern.
Separate classes have been allocated for it in the schools, and there are
programmes on television, and seminars and conferences are held concerning
it. Unfortunately many Muslims have been affected by this culture,
especially those who have been deceived by their culture and civilization. 

Undoubtedly teaching children about sex and related matters at an early
stage in their lives leads to many negative consequences.

We
have discussed this previously; please see the answer to question no.
113970 

Thirdly: 

It
should be noted that teaching children – male or female – the Islamic
etiquette having to do with covering the ‘awrah, controlling the gaze and
asking permission before entering private spaces should begin when they are
very small, from an early age, and when they reach the age of discernment,
and before they reach the age of puberty. There is evidence in the
revelation which clearly speaks of that, including the following: 

1.Allah, may He be
exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who
believe! Let your legal slaves and slave-girls, and those among you who have
not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your
presence) on three occasions; before Fajr (morning) prayer, and while you
put off your clothes for the noonday (rest), and after the Isha (late-night)
prayer. (These) three times are of privacy for you, other than these times
there is no sin on you or on them to move about, attending (helping) you
each other. Thus Allah makes clear the Ayat (the Verses of this Quran,
showing proofs for the legal aspects of permission for visits, etc.) to you.
And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise”

[an-Noor 24:58]. 

Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Here Allah, may He be
exalted, instructs the Muslims that their servants and slaves, and their
children who have not yet reached the age of puberty, should ask permission
before entering rooms in three situations, the first of which is before Fajr
prayer, because at that time people are usually sleeping in their beds. 

“and
while you put off your clothes for the noonday (rest)”
that is, at the time of the siesta or midday nap, because a person may take
off his clothes at that time with his wife. 

“and
after the Isha (late-night) prayer”
because this is the time of sleep. 

So
servants and children should be instructed not to enter rooms suddenly at
these times, because of the fear that the man may be in an intimate
situation with his wife, and so on. 

Tafseer Ibn Katheer
(6/82) 

When children reach the age of puberty, then they should seek permission to
enter at all times, as Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):

“And when the children among you come to puberty, then let
them (also) ask for permission, as those senior to them (in age). Thus Allah
makes clear His Ayat (Commandments and legal obligations) for you. And Allah
is All-Knowing, All-Wise”

[an-Noor 24:52]

2.It was narrated
from ‘Amr ibn Shu‘ayb, from his father, that his grandfather said: The
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“Instruct your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack
them if they do not do it when they are ten years old, and separate them in
their beds.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood (495); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
Abi Dawood. 

Shaykh Muhammad Shams al-Haqq al-‘Azeemabaadi (may Allah have mercy on him)
said: 

Al-Mannaawi said in Fath al-Qadeer Sharh al-Jaami‘ as-Sagheer: That
is, separate your children in the beds in which they sleep when they reach
the age of ten, as a precaution against provocation of desire, even in the
case of sisters. 

At-Teebi said: Allah mentioned together the ideas of instructing them to
pray and separating them in their beds in childhood, so as to discipline
them and obey all the commands of Allah, and to teach them, to show them
proper etiquette with people, and to teach them not to put themselves in
suspicious situations and to keep away from sin. 

‘Awn al-Ma‘bood
(2/115) 

This advice and guidance from this verse has to do with protecting and
concealing the ‘awrah and avoiding provocation of desire which begins, as we
have seen, in the tenth year, which is the age at which most children reach
discernment. 

When puberty approaches, children should be taught the signs of puberty and
the characteristics which distinguish men from women, and the types of
discharge that may be emitted from the front passage of both sexes. They
should also be taught the rulings on wudoo’ and ghusl, paying attention to
the phrases used in teaching and ensuring that it is taught according to
what the child needs to know. 

For information on the signs of puberty, please see the answers to questions
no. 70425 and 20475 

There are two very important matters which begin at a very early age –
around the age of three years – that have a basic connection to the issue of
sex education. They are: 

1.The necessity for
the boy or girl to be able to distinguish between male and female. Confusion
between them at that early age could lead to troubles and confusion in
concepts, characteristics and actions, in both sexes. Hence it is essential
to make a boy understand that he cannot wear his sister’s clothes, or wear
earrings or bracelets, because these are for females, not for males. By the
same token, a girl should be told similar things about her brother’s actions
and characteristics.

2.Teaching children
that the ‘awrah is private, and that it should not be uncovered for anyone.
Teaching them this, and bringing them up with it, is a way of instilling in
them the characteristics of chastity and modesty, and will help prevent
perverts from transgressing against them.

Fourthly: 

With regard to the issue of sex education having to do with intercourse, or
what happens between spouses in general, this should come when there is a
need for it, such as when marriage is approaching, or when he is mature
enough to understand some issues of fiqh, such as the rulings on zina
(fornication or adultery) and the like, which have to do with intercourse
and ‘awrahs. 

It
should be noted that what is needed of that knowledge is basically something
that is natural and instinctive in the first place, and what you need to
point out must be taught to children gradually, in accordance with the
stages of their development, by means of lessons of fiqh, study circles and
classes in school. We should be conservative in the words and phrases we
use, and attention must be paid to the appropriate ages and stages to
discuss this topic. We must also warn against the promiscuous practices of
the disbelievers and contrast them with the beauty of Islam, with regard to
urging Muslims to cover up and be modest, and to guard their chastity and
avoid that which is haraam. 

We
advise you to read the book Ya Bunayya laqad Asbahta Rajulan by
Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Abdullah ad-Duwaysh, which explains Islamic ways of
dealing with desire in children. 

And Allah knows best.