Our religion says that if the husband calls his wife for intercourse, she must respond to his request. What if he calls her to play with him; does the wife also have to obey him in that?
If the husband calls his wife for intercourse, she must obey him in that. The same applies if he calls her to play with him; she must also obey him, as this is something that helps to perpetuate love and harmony between them.
Al-Bukhari (2097) and Muslim (715) narrated from Jabir ibn `Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to him: “Have you got married?” He said: Yes. He said: “A virgin or a previously-married woman?” He said: A previously-married woman. He said: “Why not a young girl, whom you could play with and she could play with you?”…
Ahmad (16886) and Abu Dawud (2513) narrated that `Uqbah ibn `Amir (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “Anything a man does to entertain himself is pointless, except three things: shooting arrows, training his horse, and playing with his wife; these actions are valid and purposeful.”
It says in al-Mawsu`ah al-Fiqhiyyah (35/337):
The hadith indicates that everything a man does to entertain himself which does not benefit him in this life or the hereafter in a religious sense is pointless and objectionable, except these three actions. That is because, if he does them for the purpose of entertaining himself, comforting himself and energizing himself, it is valid, as there is benefit in them. Shooting arrows and training horses help a man to develop fighting skills, and playing with his wife could lead to the birth of a child who will testify to Allah’s oneness and worship Him. That is why these three actions are valid and purposeful, and all others are pointless.
Al-Khattabi said: This confirms that all forms of entertainment are disallowed, and the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) only exempted these three forms of entertainment from those that are prohibited, because, if you think about it, each one of them is beneficial or leads to something beneficial. End quote.
One of the most important and sublime rights that the husband has over his wife is the obligation for her to obey him in everything that he tells her to do of things that are right and proper.
Abu Dawud (2140) narrated from Qays ibn Sa`d (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If I were to instruct anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have instructed women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the rights that Allah has given the husbands over them.” Classed as sahih by al-Albani in Sahih Abi Dawud.
So if a man calls his wife to play with him, she must obey him in that, and that is for several reasons, including:
- The obligation to obey him in what is right and proper, and this comes under the heading of what is right and proper.
- Obeying him in that is a means of attaining something that is obligatory, which is keeping him chaste.
- Obeying him in that is a means of fulfilling objectives of marriage such as harmony between the spouses and producing offspring.
- Her playing with him is one of the duties that the Lawgiver has recommended and enjoined.
- If that does not happen, it will create resentment and grudges between them, and the husband will be angry with his wife, as a result of which she will be exposed to the wrath of Allah, may He be Exalted.
- If that does not happen when he asks for it and she refuses, he will feel upset and will feel humiliated and looked down upon, which could result in him not seeking intimacy with her and avoiding her altogether.
- Islam enjoins everything that will increase love between spouses and forbids everything that will spoil the relationship between them.
So if the wife does not obey her husband when he calls her to play with him, that is contrary to what Islam has enjoined upon her and encouraged her to do.
And Allah knows best.
