He is intimate with his wife and his ex-wife in the same bed

Question: 177636

I am desperately hoping that in sha Allah you will be able to give me some advice. I am a new Muslimah and am still learning about the laws of Islam and am in a situation where I do not know whether what my husband is telling me to do is haram/makrooh/zina. He will be remarrying his ex-wife as soon as she gets divorced from her estranged husband. This past week, she came over to stay so that we could meet. His plan is that we will all live in one house. They have a son together. We get along well, Alhamdulillah! He had us all three lying in bed together and both of us cuddled up to him, while he insisted that we were naked. There were times when he made us expose our nakedness to each other and he would kiss and caress us in front of each other in this state. He also made us touch each other. He talks about us all sharing one bed three nights a week when we live together.

My question is: Is any of this haram/zina? I want to please my husband, but I do not want to anger Allah to do it.

I am also deeply concerned about him at this stage, whilst they are both not married to each other, but married to other people and they are doing everything but penetration (he says then it is not adultery).

Please answer my question. I have searched everywhere for answers on intimate relations with co-wives in the same bed and can find nothing. I know that intimacy between two women (lesbianism) is zina, but where does this stand?

Answer

Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah and his family.

If the ‘iddah(waiting period following divorce) of a revocably-divorcedwife ends, she becomes a “stranger” to the husband like any other women who arenot related to him; it is not permissible for him to touch her, look at her orbe alone with her, and if she gets married to another man, the matter becomesmore serious and more abhorrent.

Based on that, so long as your husbandhas not done a marriage contract with this woman, what he is doing of embracingher, touching her or kissing her is one of the gravest of evil actions. We donot know how any Muslim can do such a thing. If he has decided to marry her,how can he not have any patience to avoid what is haram,until she becomes permissible to him?! We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound.If this woman is still married to her (current) husband or he has divorced herbut she is still in the ‘iddah (waiting period), thenit is even more serious and more abhorrent, as stated above, and she isbetraying her husband.

Whatever the case, what your husband isdoing with this woman is blatant immorality and it is a kind of zina (adultery). Zina is ofvarying degrees, some of which incur the haddpunishment, namely intercourse in the vagina, and some are less serious thanthat, such as looking, touching and so on. But all of them are haram and one leads to the other, darkness upon darkness.We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound by His grace. Al-Bukhari(5744) and Muslim (4801) narrated from Abu Hurayrahthat the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah hasdecreed for the son of Adam his share of zina whichhe will inevitably fall into. The zina of the eyes islooking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the nafs (self) wishes and longs, and the private part confirmsthat or denies it.”

And he (blessings and peace of Allah beupon him) said: “Any woman who takes off her clothesanywhere but in her husband’s house, has torn the screen that was between herand Allah.”

Narrated by IbnMajah, 3750; classed as saheehby al-Albani

If your husband is encouraging thiswoman to get divorced from her (current) husband so that she can go back tohim, then he has fallen into another sin, which is ruining her and spoiling herfor her husband. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah(may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings andpeace of Allah be upon him) said: “He is not one of us who turns a womanagainst her husband or a slave against his master.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2175; classed as saheehby al-Albani in SaheehAbi Dawood.

Abu Dawoodalso narrated (5170) that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah bepleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah beupon him) said: “Whoever turns a man’s wife or slave against him is not one ofus.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

ِسا-Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeem Abadi(may Allah have mercy on him) said: “Whoever turns… against” means whoeverdeceives and corrupts.

“a womanagainst her husband” by mentioning the husband’s bad qualities in front of hiswife, or the good qualities of another man in front of her.

End quote from ‘Awn al-Ma‘bood, 6/159

And he said: “Whoever turns a man’s wifeagainst him” means ruining and corrupting her, or making the idea of divorceseem good to her, so that he could marry her orsomeone else can marry her, and so on.

‘Awn al-Ma‘bood, 14/52

Some scholars are of the view that if aman turns a woman against her husband, it is permanently haramfor him to marry her, and his marriage to her is not valid.

Please see the answer to question no. 84849

To sum up, what your husband is doing infront of you is a great evil, and it is not permissible for you to approve ofit or keep quiet about it, let alone take part in it. What you have to do isexhort your husband and advise him, and explain to him that what he is doing isabhorrent and haram. If he stops, then praise be to Allah, but if he persists in this action it is notpermissible for you to be present when this evil is being committed. You canthreaten to expose him and disclose what he is doing. Then if he persists inthat, it is permissible for you to ask for a divorce, because of his evildoingand sin.

Secondly:

Being together with two wives in one bedis permissible subject to three conditions:

(i) That it be with their consent,because the wife has a right to separate accommodation and her jealousy mayprevent her from allowing another wife to share her bed.

(ii) Neither of them should uncoverher ‘awrah in front of the other. The ‘awrah of one woman in front of another is the area betweenthe navel and the knee. It is haram for a woman tolook at the ‘awrah of another woman.

(iii) He should not have intercoursewith one of them in the presence of the other. Please see the answer to question no. 26265

Thirdly:

If a woman touches another woman with desire, that is haram; if thereis no desire, then there is nothing wrong with it.

Fourthly:

One of the rights that the wife has overher husband is that he should give her her ownaccommodation, and she has the right to refuse to live with her co-wife.

We ask Allah to guide us and you and tomake us steadfast.

And Allah knows best.

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