Can a Suitor Lie to the Non-Muslim Family of the Girl He Wants to Marry and Say He is Unmarried
Question: 179557
Last year I came to know of this brother who teaches Islamic classes and also through da’wah work. He seems to be like a religious brother (Hafiz of Qur’an and organizes Islamic activities maasha’Allah), and Allah knows best.
This brother will be getting married this year, and then wants to marry me next year insha’Allah (as I would like to get married after I graduate from unviersity insha’Allah)…so that would make me his second wife.
The issue is – my family is not Muslim (non-practicing Shi’a, atheist, agnostic, etc) – since two male family members have spoken to me about the topic of polygamy already, I suspect that they would ask any suitor if he has other wives.
I asked the person going between me and the brother how he could answer that…because I believe my family would only accept ‘no, I don’t’ as an answer and if he said that, that would be lying.
His response was that it is permissible to lie in this situation to prevent family ties being broken.
I’m really unsure about if this would be a permissible situation for him to lie in? Do you think I should enter into this marriage? I would appreciate your advice.
Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah and his family.
First:
If you have a Muslim
guardian, he would be the one handling your marriage and the suitor would
need to answer him truthfully if he were to ask him about that. The guardian
has the right to look into these matters for the benefit of his principal
and to enlighten her on matters she may not perceive the outcomes of.
And if you do not have a
Muslim guardian from your relatives, your marriage should be handled by the
Imam of an Islamic Centre, or someone similar who has a position of respect
among the Muslim community and your relatives would have no authority over
you. In that case we could say: If the suitor is a pious man and you fear
that if he were to inform them of his previous marriage they would refuse
him, then he can use what is known as tawriyah, which is basically the use
of speech which can be understood in different ways (intending for them to
understand other than the reality). For example, he may say: “I did not
marry (i.e. a year ago)”. But he should beware of saying: “I am not married”
or “I don’t have a wife” as that is considered as an implicit divorce
according to some jurists and the divorce would be valid if he had that
intention.
Second:
You should consider the
consequences of your family finding out that he is married and that you both
lied to them, and the effects that will have on their opinion of you and of
Islam and your husband, the Islamic caller. It may have a negative impact
and so we do not advise you to get into such a predicament, the results of
which may not be commendable.
We also do not support your
waiting a whole year for a man who has not yet married his first wife.
Therefore, if a suitable suitor were to propose, you should seriously
consider him for the sake of preserving your chastity and protecting
yourself, and also for fear that this present suitor may change his mind
about marrying you.
You should also know that
the suitable, righteous and religious husband doesn’t necessarily have to be
one who delivers lectures and sermons and is active in Islamic centres and
mosques. Rather, he should be religious himself, venerating his religion and
keen to worship his Lord.
Increase your supplications
to Allah for ease, success and satisfaction.
And Allah knows best.
Source:
Islam Q&A
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