Weeps When He Hears Quran, But Does Bad Things Too

Firstly:
We think that your asking whether you are a hypocrite or not is a sign of
much goodness in you insha Allah, because when a Muslim fears that he may
fall into hypocrisy, this indicates that his heart is (spiritually) alive
and that he is keen to protect his faith. Ibraheem al-Taymi said: Whenever I
examine my words against my deeds, I fear that I am insincere. Al-Hasan
al-Basri said of hypocrisy: No one fears it but a believer, and no one feels
safe from it but a hypocrite. 

Ibn
al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

The
more faith and knowledge a person has, the more he will fear that he may be
among this class of people (i.e., hypocrites); hence the leaders and
earliest generations of this ummah were afraid that they might be among
them. ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) used to say to Hudhayfah (may
Allah be pleased with him): I adjure you by Allah, did the Messenger of
Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) mention me along with the
people (i.e., the hypocrites)? He said: No, but I would not praise anyone
after you, meaning; I would not praise people (by saying that they are not
mentioned among the hypocrites). It does not mean that ‘Umar (may Allah be
pleased with him) was the only one who was free of hypocrisy. 

Tareeq
al-Hijratayn
(p. 604) 

The
greatest of the awliya (close friends of Allah) feared this for themselves. 

1 –
Ibn Abi Mulaykah said: I met thirty of the Companions of the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him), all of whom feared being hypocrites,
and none of them ever said that he had faith equivalent to that of Jibreel
and Mikaa’eel (peace be upon them). 

Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:   

The
most prominent among the Sahabah (Companions) whom Ibn Abi Mulaykah met
were: ‘Aishah, her sister Asma, Umm Salamah, the four ‘Abd-Allahs, Abu
Hurayrah, ‘Uqbah ibn al-Harith and al-Miswar ibn Makhramah. These are among
those from whom he heard hadeeth. He also met more prominent Sahabah than
these, such as ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib and Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas, and he confirmed
that they were afraid of hypocrisy in their actions and nothing to the
contrary was narrated from any of the Sahabah, so it is as if there was
consensus on this matter. That is because the believers’ deeds may become
contaminated with elements that undermine ikhlas (sincerity towards Allah).
The fact that they feared it does not mean that they fell into it, rather it
means that they were extremely cautious and pious, may Allah be pleased with
them. 

Fath
al-Bari
by Ibn Hajar (1/110,111). 

2 –
al-Hafiz Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

Al-Ja’d Abu ‘Uthman said: I said to Abu Raj’ al-‘Attaridi: Did you meet
anyone whom I met of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) who feared falling into hypocrisy? He said: Yes. Praise
be to Allah. I met some of the prominent ones among them, and they used to
fear it a great deal. And he had met ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him). 

3 –
And he (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

Among
those of the Sahabah who used to seek refuge with Allah from falling into
hypocrisy were: Hudhayfah, Abu’l-Darda and Abu Ayyoob al-Ansari (may Allah
be pleased with them). Among the Tabi’een (Successors) there were many who
did that. Ibn Sireen said: There is nothing I fear more than this verse
(interpretation of the meaning): “And of mankind, there are some
(hypocrites) who say: ‘We believe in Allaah and the Last Day,’ while in fact
they believe not.” [al-Baqarah 2:8] Ayyoob said: Every verse in the
Quran which mentions hypocrisy I fear lest it apply to me. Mu’awiyah ibn
Qurrah said: ‘Umar used to fear it, so how can I feel safe from it? Al-Hasan
spoke a great deal concerning this matter, as did the imams of Islam after
them.  

According to a report narrated by Ibn Hani, al-Imam Ahmad was asked: What do
you say about the one who does not fear hypocrisy for himself? He said: Who
can feel safe from hypocrisy? 

Fath
al-Bari
by Ibn Rajab (1/178, 179). 

Pay
attention to two important matters: 

1 –
The hypocrisy that was feared by those imams among the Sahabah and those who
came after them was hypocrisy in deeds, which leads to hypocrisy in the
heart, which leads one to Hell – we seek refuge with Allah – this is the
kind of hypocrisy which is mentioned in a number of haadeeths (narrations)
which warn the Muslim against acquiring its characteristics, such as the
following: 

It was
narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Amr (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “There
are four characteristics, whoever has them all is a pure hypocrite, and
whoever has one of them has one of the characteristics of hypocrisy, until
he gives it up: when he speaks he lies, when he makes a covenant he betrays
it, when he makes a promise he breaks it, and when he disputes he resorts to
obscene speech.”

Narrated by al-Bukhari (34) and Muslim (58). 

It was
also narrated (2632) by al-Tirmidhi (may Allah have mercy on him) who said
after it:  

What
this means according to the scholars is hypocrisy of action. It was the
hypocrisy of disbelieving at the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him). Something similar was narrated from
al-Hasan al-Basri when he said: Hypocrisy is of two types: hypocrisy of
action and hypocrisy of disbelief. 

End
quote. 

Al-Hafiz Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

This
goes back to what we mentioned above: that hypocrisy may be minor or major.
Minor hypocrisy is hypocrisy of action, which is what these people feared
for themselves. It leads to major hypocrisy which is feared for the one who
is overcome by minor hypocrisy to such an extent that it robs him of faith
altogether, as Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“When
they turned away (from the path of Allah), Allah turned their hearts away
(from the Right Path).”

[al-Saff 61:5] 

“And
We shall turn their hearts and their eyes away (from guidance), as they
refused to believe therein for the first time.”

[al-An’am 6:110] 

Fath
al-Bari by Ibn Rajab (1/179). 

Al-Imam al-Nawawi commented on this hadeeth … See his Sharh Muslim
(2/46-48). 

2 –
These prominent figures were the most righteous of people in heart, and they
were those who most respected the sacred limits and were least likely to
transgress them, but because of their great awareness of their Lord and
their fear of His wrath, they would regard a minor sin – if they fell into
it – as a major sin. Some of them feared showing off, and others feared
falling short in their deeds lest their actions contradict their words.
Others thought that being distracted by permissible interactions in their
homes with their wives and families, even though they focused properly in
gatherings of dhikr, was a kind of hypocrisy. 

It was
narrated that Hanzalah al-Usaydi said: Abu Bakr met me and said: How are
you, O Hanzalah? I said: Hanzalah has become a hypocrite. He said: Subhan
Allah! What are you saying? I said: When we are with the Messenger of Allah
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) he reminds us of the Fire and the
Garden until it is as if we are seeing them with our own eyes, but when we
depart from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him), we attend to our wives and children and businesses, and we forget a
great deal. Abu Bakr said: By Allah, we experience something similar. Abu
Bakr and I went and entered upon the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him), and I said: Hanzalah has become a hypocrite, O
Messenger of Allah. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) said: “Why is that?” I said: O Messenger of Allah, when we are
with you, you remind us of the Fire and the Garden until it is as if we are
seeing them with our own eyes, but when we depart from you, we attend to our
wives and children and businesses, and we forget a great deal. The Messenger
of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “By the One in
Whose hand is my soul, if you continued as you are when you are with me, and
continued to remember (Paradise and Hell), the angels would shake hands with
you in your homes and on the streets. But, O Hanzalah, there is a time for
this and a time for that,” (he said it) three times.

Narrated by Muslim (2750). 

Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

With
regard to the words, “we attend to our wives and children and businesses”, 

Al-Harawi and others said: What this means is that we become absorbed with
them and get busy with them.  

 “Hanzalah has become a hypocrite” means: he was afraid that he had become a
hypocrite, because he felt the fear of Allah when he was sitting with the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and that was manifested
in the way he focused on remembrance of Allah and thinking of the Hereafter,
but when he departed he became distracted by his wife and children and
earning a living in this world, and the basic meaning of hypocrisy is
showing the opposite of what one conceals of evil, so he was afraid that he
was a hypocrite because of that. But the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) told him that this was not hypocrisy, and that they were
not expected to be like that all the time. “There is a time for this and a
time for that.” 

Sharh
Muslim
(17/66, 67) 

Al-Hafiz Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

When
it became clear to the Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with them) that
hypocrisy meant a difference between one’s inner thoughts and outward
appearance, some of them feared that if they lost the focus and presence of
mind they attained when they listened to reminders, after they returned to
worldly matters and were distracted by their families and children and
wealth, that this was hypocrisy, as was narrated in Saheeh Muslim
from Hanzalah al-Asadi … and he quoted the hadeeth –  

Fath
al-Bari
by Ibn Rajab (1/111). 

With
regard to your situation, you have to fear more than those pure awliya
(close friends of Allah) among the Sahabah, Tabi’een and subsequent
generations did, because you are disobeying Allah by doing the secret habit
and by mistreating your parents. Your saying that you sometimes raise your
voice somewhat to your father will not excuse you from the warning of
punishment. You are forbidden to say even “uff” (a mild word of objection)
to your parents, so how about if you raise your voice and speak loudly to
them? What you must do is beware lest your sins lead you to a bad end. 

Al-Bukhari (may Allah have mercy on him) gave a chapter heading to the
report he narrated from Ibraheem al-Taymi, Ibn Abi Mulaykah and al-Hasan
al-Basri – which we have quoted above – saying: Chapter on the believer’s
fear that his deeds may be cancelled out without him realizing. 

And he
ended this chapter by saying: 

And
there is fear for the one who persists in hypocrisy and sin without
repenting, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And
do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know.”

[Al
‘Imran 3:135]

End
quote. 

Al-Hafiz Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

What
the words of al-Bukhari (may Allah have mercy on him) – And there is fear
for the one who persists in hypocrisy and sin without repenting, because
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and do not persist in what
(wrong) they have done, while they know,” [Al ‘Imran 3:135]– mean is that if one persists in sin and the various types of
hypocrisy without repenting there is the fear that the one who does this may
be punished by having his faith taken away altogether, so that he becomes a
complete hypocrite and meets a bad end – we seek refuge with Allah from that
– as it is said that sin is the way to kufr. 

Fath
al-Bari
by Ibn Rajab (1/181). 

Secondly: 

We
encourage you to continue softening your heart and weeping when you hear the
Quran, and listening to exhortations, and at the same time we encourage you
to repent from sinful actions and to refrain from doing the secret habit,
and to refrain from mistreating your parents. We encourage you to hasten to
apologize to them and to honour them and treat them kindly in word and deed.
Beware of continuing to sin without repenting, and remember that the one who
truly fears Allah is not the one who weeps and sheds tears, rather he is the
one who gives up something for which he fears he may be punished. 

What
we have quoted to you of warnings about this is sufficient, insha Allah, to
make you hasten to repent and turn to Allah. 

And
Allah knows best.