I hope that you can advise me about my situation. I have researched a great deal but I have not found any answer and I am living in a state of constant anxiety. I hope that you can advise me.
When I was young, I did the secret habit (masturbation) from the age of 12 and I did not know what it meant or even what it was. At the age of 14 I found out that it was that bad secret habit, but I did not know the ruling on it; I only knew that it was serious and that it causes diseases. At that age I did not pray, but I used to fast without praying.
At the age of 15, I began to pray and fast and I stopped listening to music, but I still did the secret habit and did not know the ruling on it; if I did it, I did not do Ghusl and I used to pray and fast after that. I did it twice during the day in Ramadan, I am not sure.
At the age of 18, I read in a book that it is prohibited and that Ghusl is required after it, but I could not repent from it and I carried on doing it even after getting married. But now I have repented sincerely to Allah and I am 27 years old.
My question is: what is the ruling on what I did and what should I do?
What is the ruling on my fasting and prayers when I used to do it and did not do Ghusl, then I would pray? What is the ruling on my fast and what is the expiation for what I did? What is the ruling on the two days on which I did this habit in the day in Ramadan and what is the expiation?