He is not attracted to his wife and has not been near her for years, and he cannot take a second wife

There is nodoubt that what you have mentioned is a problem for which you must examine thecauses and look for ways of dealing with it. It seems to us that the essence ofthe problem is clear from your saying, “My wife is not interested in intimacyand I have no attraction to her. We do not even share the same bed.”

How can twospouses live under the same roof for four years, without any intimacy takingplace between them?

What problem inthe marital relationship is clearer than that?

How can you notbe attracted to her for this length of time?

How can thewoman do without this natural need for this length of time, no matter how weakher libido is?

The first stepin remedying the problem is for you both to understand that one of the aims andpurposes of marriage is to attain chastity, fulfildesire, and establish tranquillity and love. Withthis behaviour you cannot establish a successfulmarital relationship.

You should bothfocus on seeking a remedy to this problem in an atmosphere of openness andmutual understanding. There is no shame in the husband telling his wife of hisnatural need for intimacy and finding out the reasons why she is not interestedin him.

It is not onlya matter of fulfilling your desires and needs; rather it is important to keepyour wife chaste too, and you are responsible for that; the fact that you arenot attracted to her does not absolve you of this responsibility.

The maritalrelationship is based on fulfilling rights and duties more than it is based onemotions and inclinations. If we assume that you do not feel attracted to yourwife, you are still responsible for maintaining her chastity and you have to doaddress the issue of your not being attracted to her and her not beinginterested in you. Perhaps there are barriers preventing you becoming closer toone another, such as bad treatment, being too busy, or other reasons.

Moreover, thisfailing relationship that is devoid of connection and intimacy is surrounded bycrises on all sides; indeed it is causing crises. It is essential to examineits effects on daily interaction, because that poses a threat to the childrenthat cannot be ignored.

Our advice toyou is to sit down with your wife, try to draw closer to her, and fear Allah,may He be exalted, with regard to her. You should both understand the wisdombehind marriage and its purposes, and correct your relationship with Allah,then He will set your affairs straight, for Allah has promised a good life tothose who believe and do righteous deeds, as He says (interpretation of themeaning):

“Whoever worksrighteousness, whether male or female, while he (or she) is a true believer (ofIslamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a goodlife (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and Weshall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they usedto do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

[an-Nahl 16:97].

So try hard todo something about these causes and you will find that things will fall intoplace, in sha Allah. We believe that if you sleeptogether in the same bed, that will close a great dealof the distance between you and will generate compassion and love between you.

And Allah knows best.