What should she do about her problems with her husband’s mother? Does she have the right to prevent her from seeing her granddaughter?

Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning): “and
making peace is better”
[an-Nisa’ 4:128]. 

And the Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) said: “There is no kindness in a thing but it adorns it,
and it is not taken away from a thing but it makes it defective.”  Narrated
by Muslim (2594). 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that a
man said: O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in
touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse me. I am
patient and kind towards them, but they insult me. He said: “If you are as
you say, then it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. Allah
will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.” Narrated
by Muslim (2558). 

These texts urge us to give precedence to
kindness; the individual may respond to the one who mistreats him in like
manner, but patience and forbearance in putting up with bad treatment is
much better before Allah. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of
the meaning):

“And
if you punish (your enemy, O you believers in the Oneness of Allah), then
punish them with the like of that with which you were afflicted. But if you
endure patiently, verily, it is better for As-Sabirin (the patient ones,
etc.)”

[an-Nahl 16:126]. 

The grandmother has ties of kinship with
her granddaughter, and longs to see her as a mother longs to see her child,
so depriving her of this right when there is no good reason to do so is a
grave wrong. If you sense that she has this compassionate heart, then do not
deny her a right that Allah has ordained for her, because this is her due. 

In addition to that, respecting the
grandmother and giving her her rights comes under the heading of honouring
one’s husband, bringing joy to his heart and treating him kindly. You do not
know, perhaps if you treat her kindly, she will speak well of you in front
of your husband, and that will help to put things right between you and your
husband. Experience has shown that the mother of the husband or wife may be
a means of bringing happiness, if you treat her well, and she may be a cause
of misery if you mistreat her, so pay attention to this principle. 

There is nothing wrong with treating her
kindly and even trying to appease, and hugging her, kissing her head, and
showing her respect. Perhaps that will remove the resentment that she feels
in her heart towards you.

In fact some old people become
bad-tempered as they grow old, and they get angry for any little reason. So
put up with her annoyance and bear it patiently as a means of drawing closer
to Allah, especially as she is divorced, and her ex-husband is with you and
he is the one who is taking care of you and your daughter. This may be
something that is making her more angry, so she is using your daughter as a
means of causing trouble, but perhaps the real cause of the problem is the
fact that you are living with the one who divorced her, and he is looking
after you and he is the grandfather. 

This does not mean that you should give
her rights precedence over your own. Rather what is discussed above comes
under the heading of responding in the way that is better. You are the
mother of your daughter, and your right to take care of her and look after
her takes precedence over the right of the grandmother. 

With regard to answering your questions in
detail: 

1.
Can I prevent her from seeing my daughter?

Answer: It is not permissible to prevent
her from seeing her, unless you fear that she will harm your daughter. In
order to be on the safe side and avoid falling into sin or fearing for you
daughter, you can make sure that she sees your daughter in your presence. So
you can visit her, and spend some time with her, then you can leave and go
back to your house without any trouble, taking your daughter with you; or
you can meet her in the house of someone who is close to both of you, and
that house can becomes the place where you meet and
communicate.                                                                

2.
Can I prevent her from seeing my daughter in the presence
of my husband?

Answer: This is also not permissible,
unless there is the fear of harm. Preventing her from seeing her in this
case is worse than the previous example, and it is unlikely that the
grandmother would do something to your daughter in the presence of your
husband, as your husband cares for your daughter as you do, and the decision
is that regard is up to your husband. So beware of making him angry with
you. If you think that it is better not to let her see your daughter, then
you have to disclose to your husband the reason why you do not want to let
his mother see his daughter, so that he can help you. 

In this regard we would like to point out
the following: 

Try to tell your husband what happened
with the grandmother, and explain to him what the problems are between you,
so that he will be able to solve the problem and bring about reconciliation,
because the grandmother is more likely to listen to him than you, and his
words are more likely to be believed by her. 

So try to show his mother, gently and
kindly, that your intentions are good and that you love her and regard her
as equal in status to your own mother, and that it is not appropriate for
her to treat you in this manner, when you are like her own daughter to her
and you are indeed the wife of her son. 

3.
With regard to how long you have the right to prevent her
from seeing your daughter

The answer to that is that reference
should be made to what is customary among people, because people vary with
regard to such matters. One visit every month may be sufficient for some
people, and may be regarded as severing ties of kinship among others. Some
people regard frequent visits as the way to show respect and uphold ties,
whereas others regard that as opening the door to problems. So you should
look at the customs and traditions of people. But before all of that, you
should examine the circumstance of every issue and the nature of parties
connected to the issue. 

4.
What are the rights of grandmothers over their
grandchildren?

Answer: These rights are respect and
honour, kindness and upholding ties of kinship, by doing whatever people
regard as constituting respect, kindness and upholding ties of kinship, such
as meeting her needs, serving her, listening to her when she speaks, and not
making her angry. 

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him) said: “He is not one of us who does not show compassion towards
our little ones and recognise the honour of our elders.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi
(1920); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi. 

So how about if this elder is a
grandmother? In fact the grandmother and grandfather come under many of the
same rulings as parents with regard to it being obligatory to honour them,
uphold ties with them and other rulings and etiquettes that are taught in
Islam. 

Please see the answer to question no.
111892 

With regard to what you hear of criticism
and prayers against you, seek reward with Allah and pray for her to be
guided and set straight, and do not respond to her in like manner. Allah,
may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The
good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which
is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the
time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he,
between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a
close friend.

But none is granted it (the above
quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the
owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise
and in this world of a high moral character.

And if an evil whisper from Shaitan
(Satan) tries to turn you away (O Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him)) (from doing good, etc.), then seek refuge in Allah. Verily, He is
the All-Hearer, the All-Knower”

[Fussilat 41:34-36].

 And Allah knows best.