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She is a new Muslim whose family has disowned her, and she is lonely and feeling regret

Question: 160704

I am facing a big problem. To cut a long story short, I am a non-Muslim girl, but a while ago I got to know a young Muslim man and fell in love with him. He used to talk a lot about the Islamic religion, and I liked it and embraced it. We got married despite my family’s objections, and because of that they disowned me and I no longer have anyone. After getting married, I regretted everything, especially that I had put on hijab. I do not know whether the reason for my regret is because of becoming Muslim, or because of putting on hijab, or because of being estranged from my family, because I love them very much, and living without them is almost impossible. I want to help, because I have begun to feel very tired, and I cannot put up with any more, especially when all the customs that I see are far removed from the environment in which I was raised. I hope that you can help me, because I no longer have anyone in the world except Allah.

Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah and his family.

Please excuse us if we begin our answer to you by correcting a phrase that you used in your question. You say “I am a non-Muslim girl”, but we say: no, that is what you were in the past. You used to be a non-Muslim, but when you liked Islam and embraced it, you became a Muslim in a real sense, with the same rights and duties as any other Muslim, and based on that, that is how your life should be and you should look at things through this lens.

Allah has blessed you with the greatest blessing that He ever bestowed upon people, by opening your heart to Islam and guiding you to it.

“Whoever Allah wills to guide, He opens his heart to Islam, and whomever He wills to leave astray, He closes and constricts his heart, as if he were ascending to heaven. Thus Allah places blight on those who do not believe”

[al-An‘aam 6:125].

Allah opened your eyes to His light, after they had been covered with darkness for a long time. He loved you, took care of you and supported you when He guided you to faith, and He made faith dear to you. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allah is the ally of those who believe. He brings them out from darknesses into the light. And those who disbelieve – their allies are Taghut [false gods]. They take them out of the light into darknesses. Those are the companions of the Fire; they will abide eternally therein” [al-Baqarah 2:257].

We have drawn your attention to your mistake in saying “I am a non-Muslim girl” so that we might say to you that the effects of the upbringing you had were completely removed from you when you entered the true religion of Allah. And we say to you that this is how the companions of our Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) were. In fact the companions of all the Prophets (peace be upon them) were born in an atmosphere of ignorance (jaahiliyyah), in which people disbelieved in Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, and associated others with Him, then Allah opened their hearts to His light and perfected His blessing upon them by guiding them to His religion. Thus it was as if they were born anew and became the best of people, leaders of guidance.

Those who came before you all went through severe and difficult trials and tests. Their peoples and their relatives tormented them, cut off ties with them and disowned them; in fact they reviled them and beat them, and even expelled them from their lands and drove them out, and even killed them in the most horrible ways in order to make them give up their religion. Listen to what Khabbaab ibn al-Aratt (may Allah be pleased with him) says. He was one of the companions of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) who were oppressed and tortured because of their religion. He said: We complained to the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) as he was reclining on a cloak of his in the shade of the Ka‘bah, and said: Why do you not ask Allah to help us? Why do you not pray to Allah for us? He said: “Among the people who came before you, a man would be seized and a hole would be dug for him, then they would place him in it. Then they would bring a saw and place it on his head, then cut him in two, and they would use an iron comb to drag the flesh from his bones. Yet that would not make him renounce his faith. By Allah, this matter will be completed [i.e., Islam will be perfected and will prevail] until a rider travelling from Sana‘aa’ to Hadhramawt will fear nobody but Allah or the attack of a wolf on his sheep, but you are too impatient.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6544).

This is how the sincere followers of the Prophets were:

“And how many a prophet [fought and] with him fought many religious scholars. But they never lost assurance due to what afflicted them in the cause of Allah, nor did they weaken or submit. And Allah loves the steadfast.

And their words were not but that they said, ‘Our Lord, forgive us our sins and the excess [committed] in our affairs and plant firmly our feet and give us victory over the disbelieving people.’

So Allah gave them the reward of this world and the good reward of the Hereafter. And Allah loves the doers of good” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:146-148].

This is what Allah has decreed for His believing slaves, that various kinds of harm, physical and otherwise, should befall them in order to test them and thus differentiate between those who are sincere and those who are not, those who are believers and those who are hypocrites.

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Alif, Lam, Meem.

Do the people think that they will be left to say, ‘We believe’ and they will not be tried?

But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:1-3].

Then He says:

“And of the people are some who say, ‘We believe in Allah,’" but when one [of them] is harmed for [the cause of] Allah, they consider the trial of the people as [if it were] the punishment of Allah . But if victory comes from your Lord, they say, ‘Indeed, We were with you.’ Is not Allah most knowing of what is within the hearts of all creatures?

And Allah will surely make evident those who believe, and He will surely make evident the hypocrites” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:10-11].

Do not think that those who were sincere and patient were only men who put up with harm and torture. In fact, among them were believing women who were sincere and patient; they were subjected to the harshest tests, and the worst kinds of torture, but that was easier for them to bear than disbelieving after having believed.

There was a disbelieving, unjust tyrant king, some of whose people believed and the true religion spread among them. Then what did he do? He decided to burn all the believers. He issued orders that ditches be dug at the entry-points of the roads. When these ditches were dug, and fires were lit in them, he said: Whoever does not turn back from his (the boy’s) religion will be thrown in the fire or they will be told to jump in it. So they started to do that until a woman came with her child and she hesitated to jump into the fire. Then her child said to her: O mother, be patient, for you are following the Truth. [Saheeh Muslim (7703)].

This woman was about to weaken and recant her faith, out of compassion towards her little child, because she felt sorry for him. But Allah, may He be exalted, caused the infant to speak, so he spoke to her when he was in the cradle, just as ‘Eesaa (Jesus – peace be upon him) spoke when he was in the cradle, to make her steadfast in adhering to the truth and to the light of Islam, and to let her know that even if she were to be burned with the fire of this world, what is this fire when compared to a moment of the punishment of the disbelievers (in the hereafter)?

Sumayyah, the mother of ‘Ammaar ibn Yaasir (may Allah be pleased with them) was stabbed by the enemy of Allah Abu Jahl with his spear, in her heart, thus killing her. She was the first martyr in Islam. [Siyar A‘laam an-Nubala’ (1/409)].

Similar things happened to many of these sincere believing women: they lost families, husbands and children, but they did not regret any of these losses, and they did not weaken in their commitment to the religion of Allah. Rather they all left behind the lives they had lived before Islam and devoted themselves to Allah, and they did not mourn the loss of anything because of what they gained by means of their devotion to Allah.

“Indeed, Allah has purchased from the believers their lives and their properties [in exchange] for that they will have Paradise. They fight in the cause of Allah , so they kill and are killed. [It is] a true promise [binding] upon Him in the Torah and the Gospel and the Qur'an. And who is truer to his covenant than Allah ? So rejoice in your transaction which you have contracted. And it is that which is the great attainment” [at-Tawbah 9:111].

Hence Allah instructed that they should be granted refuge, supported and protected from going back to the disbelievers:

“O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them” [al-Mumtahinah 60:10].

Your new religion does not forbid you to honour your family, uphold ties with them and treat them kindly, but that is on condition that you adhere to your religion, and that they will not weaken or undermine your faith.

But if you find that they have taken a strong stance against you and show hostility towards you and your religion, and you find yourself having to choose, then there should not be any difficulty in choosing, for the matter is clear, and there should be no hesitation, because your religion is dearer to you than your soul. This is what we may learn from our sincere predecessors.

“There has already been for you an excellent pattern in Abraham and those with him, when they said to their people, ‘Indeed, we are disassociated from you and from whatever you worship other than Allah. We have denied you, and there has appeared between us and you animosity and hatred forever until you believe in Allah alone’ except for the saying of Abraham to his father, ‘I will surely ask forgiveness for you, but I have not [power to do] for you anything against Allah. Our Lord, upon You we have relied, and to You we have returned, and to You is the destination.

‘Our Lord, make us not [objects of] torment for the disbelievers and forgive us, our Lord. Indeed, it is You who is the Exalted in Might, the Wise’” [al-Mumtahinah 60:4-5].

If you lose Allah, then what worth is there in whatever you may gain of worldly accumulation and friends?

But if you gain from adhering to the path of Allah, then whatever you miss out on of worldly gain will not harm you, even if you miss out on it altogether, for whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it.

Whomever Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, loves, He causes him to be loved and accepted by other people.

“Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds – the Most Merciful will appoint for them affection” [Maryam 19:96].

That is, He will cause them to be loved by people.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “When Allah loves a person, He summons Jibreel and says: ‘I love So-and-so, so love him.’ So Jibreel loves him too and calls out in heaven, saying: ‘Indeed Allah loves So-and-so, so love him.” So the inhabitants of heaven love him, then he is caused to find acceptance on earth.” Narrated by Muslim.

Whatever has befallen you of sorrow and regret comes from your enemy Iblees [Satan], in an attempt to undermine your devotion to Allah in your new religion, and to bar you from the path. So beware, for

“Private conversation is only from Satan that he may grieve those who have believed, but he will not harm them at all except by permission of Allah. And upon Allah let the believers rely” [al-Mujaadilah 58:10].

Strive to overcome your negative thoughts and have confidence in your Lord and in your faith:

“So do not weaken and do not grieve, and you will be superior if you are [true] believers” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:139].

Focus on obeying Allah; remember Allah a great deal and recite a lot of Qur’an, for these are among the greatest means of reassurance:

“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured” [ar-Ra‘d 13:28].

If you can travel with your husband for Hajj or ‘umrah, to visit the sacred House of Allah, then we hope that that will be beneficial for you and a blessing to you.

May Allah make you steadfast, and open your heart to guidance and the religion of truth.

Please see also the answers to questions no. 46623 and 2644.

And Allah knows best.


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