I am 35 years old. I live with my mother, who has strived very hard to nurture my sister (who is married) and I since my father died 4 months before I was born. May Allah have mercy on him. My mother did not marry after him. 3 years ago I fell in love with a 50 year old woman. She is my mother’s uncle’s widow. She has a 13 years old daughter. This woman loves me a lot, and we agreed to get married. When I told my mother about this she completely refused. This woman loves me a lot and she will do anything for my sake. And I love her as well. But if we marry I will lose my mother and family. She will lose hers as well. Please please please guide me, tell me what shall I do? What does Islam say in my case? My first priority is Allah’s satisfaction.
His mother does not agree to him marrying this woman; what should he do?
Question: 91777
Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah and his family.
If you cannot convince your mother about this marriage, your going ahead with it will make her angry and will mean that you will lose her, as you say. So what you must do is obey her by not marrying this woman, unless you fear that you will fall into zina with her, Allaah forbid.
This is based on the fact that obedience to the mother is obligatory, whereas marriage to a particular woman is not obligatory. There are many women, hence Ibn al-Salaah, al-Nawawi and Ibn Hilaal stated – as mentioned by the great scholar Muhammad Mawlood al-Mauritaani in Nuzum al-Buroor – that it is obligatory to obey one’s father if he forbids marriage to a particular woman.
But if you think it most likely that you will fall into haraam, then warding off that evil takes precedence over obeying your mother.
Our advice is to let reason prevail over emotion and to look for another woman with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased. It is better if she is a virgin and young enough to have children. Thus you will achieve a number of interests, the greatest of which is pleasing your dear mother who has sacrificed her own interests for the sake of raising you. You will also be keeping the family together, and producing children, which is one of the aims of marriage.
Pray to Allaah a great deal, asking Him to guide you aright.
And Allaah knows best.
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